Why Didn't I Win?

I recently saw a post from a fellow pageant coach (and International Pageant sister), Sarah Wall Beckman, that resonated with me. She stated that, "I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS: I have judged many pageants, and in almost every case, the judges fall in love with many of the contestants. Please don't think: I didn't win. They didn't like me.  Chances are that they adored you just like they did the eventual winner. The scores just plinko-ed down that way". So. True.

I can't tell you how many times I wondered myself- Why didn't I win? Why didn't they pick me? What did I do wrong? And now, as a coach, my clients experience some of those same feelings. Becoming a coach and involved on the "other side" of pageantry- as a judge, director, choreographer, volunteer, and more- has given me insight to help with these thoughts.

Sarah is right! As a judge myself- we often LOVE many of the contestants. But, we can only select one winner. And often, when scores are tabulated via points- we judges don't even know who will end up on top! I like to say that it is simply the stroke of pen on a piece of paper! My score of a 7.8, and that judge's score of a 8.2, can be a difference of gigantic proportions in pageantry. I've been a judge at many pageants where I was unsure who would win. There were many qualified contestants that would make great titleholders. I've even been in a judging position where I was surprised by the winner! Not because I didn't "like" her, but because, to me, another girl was the clear winner. Herein lies the beauty (and curse) of pageantry- it is SUBJECTIVE.

Pageants are a subjective sport- according to Google: based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions. It's not as clear as basketball, for instance, where we SEE the ball go in the hoop and score points. We have a clear idea of the winner the entire game. Pageants aren't like that! One judge may like one thing- another judge may not. Take two talented singers- Katy Perry and Taylor Swift (or Pageant Contestant Katy and Pageant Contestant Taylor). Both obviously talented, succesful, and have many admirable qualities. But, for whatever reason, some people (or judges) just prefer Taylor over Katy- or Katy over Taylor! Another basic example I often find myself using- apples and oranges. Both delicious fruit. But somedays, you'd just rather have an apple. Or an orange. Or a banana! The saying goes- "different day, different judge, different result". This. Is. So. True.

And reminder- it's not always someone's "fault". Sometimes, it's not your fault, it's not your coach's fault, it's not your wardrobe, it's not your shoes, it's not your paperwork. Sometimes- it just IS WHAT IT IS. #life #reality #lifeaintfair ;)

All those years I wondered why I didn't win, why they liked so and so more than me, what I did wrong... I get it now! I didn't necessarily do anything wrong. I wasn't "worse" than another contestants. It was JUST THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLED. Sure, I am a big proponent of looking back at your performance and improving/tweaking things that need adjustment- but sometimes, you can do everything right, and it just might not be your day. And THAT'S OKAY! That is why we NEVER put our self-worth into a pageant title. We are SO MUCH MORE than a pageant title. We are SO MUCH MORE than a crown and sash. YOU do not need anyone else to tell you that you are beautiful, smart, loved, special, and a winner. Only one girl walks away with the crown- but WE ALL can walk away as winners by pushing ourselves to be the best we can be.